Looking out the large floor-to-ceiling windows of are beach hut, I never felt so empty. Me searching every inch of my soul to understand what I wanted, if children is what I wanted and if I wanted them now. Ego trying to make me happy but not knowing how, I feel so bad for putting him in limbo.
Trying to wrap his warm arms around me he tells me how much he loves me and how much I mean to him, I know all of that and yet he thinks he has to remind me. I feel like a ghost and that I'm slowly fading as I try to come to a decision, I've been getting worse as the months go on.
Arms wrapped around me trying to protected me from all the bad things that are happening, kissing my hair and neck. I yawned but I knew there was no point going to bed, I can never sleep these days.
"Maybe you should go to the doctors?"
I winced, I hated doctors the smell, the environment and the way everything had to be super clean. I was also petrified of the outcome, a million bad things came to mind.
The next morning of still no sleep I went down to the what are house's front garden is, the beach. I climbed up the rocks and sat down watching the sea roll in and out. Trying to find peace when your a nervous wreck is hard, trying not to think about what's wrong with me and yet not wanting to just brush it under the carpet.
My stomach twisted and turned, I felt light headed and tried to clamber down the rocks. As I made my back to the house I felt dizzy, bile rose and my stomach acid sloshed about like a stormy sea. I went as fast as I could to the the house, as load as I could I shouted for Ego. Tears streamed down my face as the pain exploded around me.
I saw the soft couch and went to lie on it, I felt myself drift into unconsciousness. In my blurry vision I saw a figure run to me, their mouth moving but I couldn't hear anything. I hardly felt the hands grab me by the shoulders and hardly heard the sobs and the worried voice, I only heard on clear thing before I slipped away.
"Honey I love you"
I opened my eyes slowly, I knew where I was straight away. The smell, the atmosphere and the colours told me straight away I was in the hospital, why I was here though was a mystery. I moaned as I tried to move my body, my vision quickly becoming clear as I blinked over and over.
"Ego?"
"Right here"
He looked so old with his worried, tired and sad face, I felt better than I had done in months. I placed my hands on my stomach and I remembered what had happened, I looked at my husband.
"What's wrong with me?"
"I don't know, they were running tests the last time I was informed"
I began panicking.
Then through the closed curtain the doctor appeared, a smile on her face. She shoved some paper in my file and then nodded to herself.
"It's good to see you awake Mrs Wise-Owl"
"What's wrong with me?"
"I have your tests results here"
I got up and jumped to her side, I wanted to know first without Ego knowing. If not to protect him then to let me deal with and accept it first. My face must of shown my concern and worry, I felt tears prick in my eyes but I tried to stay strong. The doctor saw my face and softened,
"No, no Mrs Wise-Owl there is nothing to worry about. In fact you should be happy...Your three months and two weeks pregnant!"
After the shock we waited in the waiting room of the hospital, as the doctors booked me for my scan. Ego sat still not saying a word, was he mad? I tried to spark up conversation, talking to myself about anything and everything. He just grunted and nodded, did he not want a child? I shut up and shank into the chair, feeling very upset.
Then he cleared his throat and turned to me, I gave a smile hopefully.
"Earth I've decided were moving and don't try and argue. Yes the beach hut is amazing and I love it as much as you, but there is no way you can raise a family there. So I've decided, as your husband, that we are moving".
I found no argument and didn't want to argue, no matter how much I disagreed I gave in. I gave in because I knew he was doing what he thought was best, I also had to be proud he is putting so much effort.
So I tearfully packed up are stuff, sold my lovely beach hut to some students and we brought a house closer to the town. A house with no sea breeze and no beach as the garden, but I decided to look at this as a new beginning. Ego, bump and I.
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